how can u be prego again
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
