So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
