marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will pee on everything he values.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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