had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
