Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
