I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
