i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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