in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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