shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My friends, they love my intelligence
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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