oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it glows. i had to have it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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