could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
