I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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