you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
