i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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