Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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