I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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