I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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