Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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