the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
