we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
