Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
