You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
