by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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