What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
