I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
