I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
