she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
