I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
