neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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