His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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