I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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