Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
