just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
