I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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