Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize