Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize