We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
