may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize