Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
