: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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