And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
