Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
