talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
