i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
