well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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