I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
