I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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