wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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