I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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