I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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