I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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