I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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