I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
