had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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