you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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