Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
