I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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