You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
