I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
