well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
