Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
