Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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