god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
