Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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