I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
