Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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