Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
