So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
