Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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