I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize