He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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