Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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