I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
