so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Randomize
