apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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